1-Illness and
Laziness
My
wife - like many other Asian women abroad - started getting laziness. Right
after coming home from work, she got on bed and watched movie sets. She never
minded either cooking meals or house cleaning at all. To my seldom yelling she
would resist:
"I'm
too tired to do chores but can't take a nap either. I just turn the movie on
that it may help. I don't mean to watch."
She
was so clever in twisting the language - watching but not watching. Who would
buy her arguments? I made up my mind. If she wouldn't cook meal today, I would
smash up the TV set.
It
was true. There was no rice or soup cooking at all. My little child was
terrified in welcoming me.
"Dad,
my brother just brought Mom to hospital. She passed out and needed the
emergency treatment."
I
hurried to the hospital. Her diagnosis was done. She might have a bone cancer.
I recalled her complaints of her pain for several weeks but I ignored thinking
she was pretending.
The
cancer was spreading too fast. Her doctor told me that she wouldn't be staying
too long. They could cut off a woman's beast if she contracted a breast cancer
but what to be cut as she has a bone one!
My
wife's lungs also had problems. For years she had inhaled my smoking. I dared
not tell her my evil thoughts of her when she didn't cook or clean up.
She
had been my darling for years but I didn't know her illness until it was too
grave. I felt so sorry but could only quietly cry in the bathroom. One employee
saw me. He felt bad asking if I OK. As the last drop of water spilling the
glass, I poured out my story on him with my broken English. He seemed have
compassion but could only said sorry and left.
In
a visit at the hospital I saw my wife so pale and skinny wrapped with many
strings, needles and tapes. She whispered:
"I
want to go home. It's so bored and noisy here. I will cook your favorite
stew."
I
patted her, saying:
"Honey,
try to rest. Need not to worry about me."
I
cooked some special dishes to bring her but she couldn't eat. I cried again.
Poor me, I have been so manly in yelling my wife and our children daily but so
emotionally weak now.
Nguyễn
Ngọc Duy Hân (translated by Nguyen Van Thong)
--
2-The Old Suit
It
was hard to live with an old sick and stubborn father-in-law. He used to
complain, ask questions at the wrong times and refused right food for him. He
was always proud of his past in repeating the stories of his glorious youth. He
was a military officer who had never been defeated. His mind always outlived
his heart. I know he was kind but always felt that he was living with reasons
without emotions.
It
was the day I was going to drive him to church. Again he put on his old
tattered suit that he had brought here from Vietnam. I gently told him:
"Father,
you should wear the new suit I bought. This one is too old and out of
date."
"But
I like this one."
I
felt upset.
"It
looks bad in public. People will think that we don't take care of you."
He
turned sad, saying:
"But
I like this suit very much."
I
sternly said:
"You
change it and we go before it's too late. I don't see why you like your
suit."
He
solemnly replied in his sincerity and rhetoric that I had never heard:
"Your
mother-in-law gave it to me for our wedding anniversary. I wore it in your
husband's graduation. In her funeral I wore it, too. I feel happy and emotional
wearing it."
His
tears were rolling on his wrinkled cheeks. I felt dazed and sorry. My in-law
was more sentimental than I had thought. It was my heart that needed to be
inspected.
Nguyễn
Ngọc Duy Hân (translated by Nguyen Van Thong)
--
3-Treatment
Working
as a psychologist seems hard even at high salary. Daily listening complaints
from patients may make you insane. However, the hardest thing wasn't listening
but to discover the hidden truth of the patients who used refusing to admit.
When the hidden truth is unearthed, the treatment has its chances.
One
of my patients is a Vietnamese. She is amiable but very quiet and heavily
depressed. She looked broken and disoriented. She was dumped by her husband,
but to me she wasn't troubled because of losing him. She looked down on him and
was so independent after their separation. After days of caring and probing I
found that her crisis was caused by her husband who kept repeating the incident
of her being raped on her escape from Vietnam. He ridiculed and insulted her
for her past to justify his trips back to Vietnam for girls. My patient was
deeply hurt as her past suffering resurfaced. She couldn't sleep well, and she
even hid herself from others.
After
finding the cause of her illness, I wanted to introduce her to my teacher an
experienced Canadian psychologist. She pleaded with me to stay, saying:
"I
like you very much, and I can't speak English well, please help me, don't send
me to another doctor."
I
smiled pushing back my tears. I couldn't tell her that I couldn't treat her due
to my own incident of being badly raped by pirates. For years I was living with
my fear that I dared not get married, and dared not tell anybody. Being unable
to treat myself, who else could I!
Nguyễn
Ngọc Duy Hân (translated by Nguyen Van Thong)
4-Unwanted Soul
I'm
Trần Văn Tiến, born in Phát Diệm of North Vietnam. In 1954 my parents brought
me to escape the communists to the South. I was brought up in Saigon, became a
military officer, got married and had a decent life with our children. In 1975,
I was forced to go to the re-education camp by the VC Communist who just took
over South Viet Nam.
Our
days and nights were full of insults and labors. My first camp was Đá Bạc in Cà
Mau where we had to clear the wilds of U Minh. After about two years, we were
flocked to Nam Thái Sơn in Rạch Giá. All our days were to dig canals at the
foot of Thất Sơn Mounts. All water sources of the region heavily contained alum
that made the water so clear but sour taste that no plant or fish could survive
except rats. We had to filter the water with fired wood ash to drink and kill
rats for food. I submissively took all the sufferings with the hope of
reuniting with my family at the end of my re-education. What else could a
warrior do without a weapon?
One
day I was fetching water buckets with a pole on my shoulder, a big snake was
moving on the path. It's a non poisonous snake. It could give me several full
meals. I left my water buckets on the ground and quickly followed the snake's
track. I got lost from all return paths. After a long while without seeing any
guard, I decided to escape heading away from the camp. After several days
escaping with hunger and thirst, I got a fever and suffered with dysentery. I
lied dead on a canal bank.
I
was dead but my soul was unwanted, it was haunting around the canal. Anybody
with benevolence, please come to the south of Thất Sơn Mounts and would find my
bones by the biggest melaleuca tree which had its bottom divided into three
roots. Please bring me home for an internment. My wife and our children all
died at sea in their escape, I had no relative left. Thank you.
Nguyễn
Ngọc Duy Hân (translated by Nguyen Van Thong)
--
5-Photos
I
don't like to take pictures of me at all because I'm aware of my not good
looking appearance and not prone to photos. At the time coming to California
from the refugee camp, I only took a picture to send to my wife at home in
Vietnam at her beseeching. After a couple of years missing me so much, she
asked me for another picture that she might see how I was at the time. I
rummaged in my drawer and found one to send her. Her replied letter said it was
the same old one!
Before
I knew it, nearly 30 years have passed. I have sponsored my wife and our
children to America. We even have grandchildren. One day a grandchild of mine
asked me a picture for her project of
family. I couldn't find one. Looking in the mirror I saw a strange old man
staring back. O God, it's me. I had to take my picture anyway both for my
grandchild's homework and for the altar on the day of my funeral when it comes.
Looking
back, I couldn't believe myself in and out was so tattered. My wife cried often
because of my dictatorship. Our children's childhood was suffered due to my
hard temper. To our community I was so allergic. Actually I had been with it
for several years but being so outrageous once, I yelled at them and left.
Leaving but I was still angry. I sent blackmails, posted negative comments on
forums to dispirit people. I liked nobody as none liked me except the
communists because they harvests benefits from me.
I'm
more than 60 years old now. I should have a nice picture of me for my wife, my
family and my friends. After all, I still know to be ashamed. Yeah, I have to
try!
Nguyễn
Ngọc Duy Hân (translated by Nguyen Van Thong)
--
6-Angel
My
mother was hospitalized for her foot surgery. I took a leave from work for two
weeks to take care of her. Those days in the hospital were my pleasure. Beside
some talks with my mother and translations for her in doctors or nurses'
visits, I had tons of books and magazines of mine to read. Since she couldn't
eat “Western” food, I brought her rice meals or "phở" in exchange her
hospital's meals for me. Beside mashed potatoes, nourishing beef and chicken,
there were sweet and delicious desserts which guaranteed my weight gain.
I
had an acquaintance who had been staying in this hospital for a year after his
stroke and became paralyzed half of his body. I came to visit him when my
mother slept. He had been downsizing a lot even after my last visit not long
ago. Being confined on his bed all day long, he could only slowly move one
shaking hand. His speech was distorted and hard to understand. Nevertheless, he
was happy having me to talk. He eagerly talked about his glorious time in the
army, his time of chasing girls and his troublesome youth in school. He had a
dream to become a writer.
He
talked about his dream of becoming a writer but it wouldn’t come true at his
poor health now. I didn’t know what to say in comforting him but listened with
distress.
Two
weeks past, my mother was feeling better and ready for a discharge. I came to
say bye to him. He looked sad, saying:
“I
was so happy to have you stop by visiting. You’re an angel for me. Now my angel
is parting, I have to remain alone with
God."
It’s
the first time I was called an angel. It was my dream when I was small. That
Christmas pageant the twin sisters in my parish were chosen to be angels
kneeling by the rock manger. They looked so pretty with their so white dress and
wings. I was dying to be an angel, but it was only my dream. Now I was suddenly
called angel even without wings. This kind of angels was easy to become, I
didn’t have to do a thing or say a line. What I did was to quietly listen.
Nguyễn
Ngọc Duy Hân (translated by Nguyen Van Thong)
---
7- Jewelry
Vinh
is handsome but wasn’t doing well in school. He has had a hard time to find a
good job. He has planned to purchase a diamond ring to propose for his
girlfriend but couldn’t. He got a good job once but not for long before his
company was shut down. His girlfriend was sad but couldn’t do anything. It’s
the western life. Who said it’s easy!
Vinh
was lucky this time in getting a better job. He’s very happy but wanted to
surprise her. He went to work and secretly kept his savings. In his
imagination, his girlfriend would so surprised and happy when he suddenly
dropped on his knees to make his propose. Vinh registered for all available
overtimes as he could for a speedup.
Things
didn’t go smoothly. Vinh purchased the ring online for a better price but the
company sent him the wrong model. It took two weeks for the exchange. He was
extremely anxious looking for the day as he already invited some of his best
friends as witnesses for the surprise. That Saturday was approaching at last.
He had a new suit and a bouquet for the day.
The
Friday night, Vinh’s girlfriend called, told him important news. She would
break. Her new boyfriend was his acquaintance who wasn’t handsome but smart and
had a high salary job.
Vinh
was hurt, got very sad and angry. He hated life and himself. What if he had
been working harder in school. Girls of today are so materially practical.
Vinh
felt so sad as if he was dying. Only the time could recover him, and it did
gradually. Then he was resolute to go back to school. It’s still not too late.
Nguyễn
Ngọc Duy Hân (translated by Nguyen Van Thong)
--
8- Hating Snow
Huy
decisively planned to leave Montreal for California even though he was having a
good job, a beautiful girl and going to purchase a house in this cold weather
but warm hearted land. He was young and adventurous, it’s understandable but
how could he legally find a stay. On the other hand, he was having his mother
here that meant hard for their visits.
He
was angry when I tried to persuade him not to go.
“I
know you love me, Aunt. You’re right but I hate snow. I have to live where
there is no snow!”
I
sighed. I understood. I didn’t like snow either. What could I tell him!
Huy’s
dad passed away suddenly on a snowstorm day in Montreal. He died of heart
attack as he was trying too hard to shovel snow. Before the incident he asked
Huy to help but he sneaked away to go with his friends.
Being
close to him I understood that like most others of young generations, he was
more easygoing. They weren’t taking serious in caring their parents. However,
what happened to his dad was unexpected, it wasn’t his fault. I could only sigh
again.
I
wanted to tell him not to hate snow but look back on his laziness. I should
look back on myself, too. Many times I used to procrastinate; I was afraid of
hardship. I was very lazy when I was young, too. I didn’t do my homework on
time and didn’t work hard but waited until the exams when I had heavy black
coffee to stay past the midnight for weeks to review my works but hardly
finished.
Due
to my laziness and procrastination, I have missed many good opportunities. Many
times I thought of good work to do or some friends to visit but it was too
late!
Every
time seeing snow, I thought of Huy and reminded myself to be determined and
prompt. Looking up the sky and vast white fields, I prayed…
Nguyễn
Ngọc Duy Hân (translated by Nguyen Van Thong)
9 – Surprise
She
was upset, saying:
“You’ve wasted too much recently. There wasn’t any
savings to pay extra mortgage for last several months. You’ve worked overtimes,
so where your money goes? Did you hide me something for any girl?”
“Aren’t
you controlling all my money?”
“But
I feel it’s questionable!”
Her
question was answered at last. He surprised her with her dream earrings on her
birthday.
Nguyễn
Ngọc Duy Hân (translated by Nguyen Van Thong)
--
10 - The Driving
Instructor
In
every Father’s Day I remember my son’s driving instructor with my broken heart
and regrets.
That
year my son learned to drive. After the paper exam, he was sent to an Italian
Canadian driving instructor. He would have to pick up my son for his lessons of
12 hours. The instructor always came late or changed the appointment or just
didn’t come. As my son’s road test was approaching, I was upset in calling him:
“Will
you come today? You’re so awful, you could cause my son fail for not having
enough hours of driving!”
“I
try to come,” he mumbled.
As
he came knocking at the door, he looked tired and broken. I felt angrier.
“I
should report to the office your irresponsibility in instructing my son!”
He
dropped his head:
“I’m
very sorry. My son just passed away after five months of treatment for his
cancer. I was very busy and in tension for recent weeks. I shouldn’t have
signed to give your son driving lessons but I badly needed money for my ill
son.”
I
stayed dumbfounded as he continued:
“Today
is my first Father’s Day that I won’t hear my son’s wish for me. He is about
your son’s age. Happy Father’s Day for you.”
I
was clumsily speechless in saying sorry or condolences to him.
Nguyễn
Ngọc Duy Hân (translated by Nguyen Van Thong)
---
11- Telling The
Truth
Dear
Thái,
I
was so embarrassed to talk to you yesterday that I have to send you this email
for an explanation. We’re boy and girlfriend of each other, I should have let
you know better about my family.
My
family is very poor. My parents are newcomers of HO program. They are struggling
to start their new life. The man who mowed your front yard yesterday was my
dad. I was bewildered as seeing him there when I came to your house. He was in
tattered working clothes. When you told me to go out the front yard that you
might pay him, I went to the bathroom lying to you that I had a stomachache
then I left.
I
couldn’t sleep last night. I both sinned to my dad and was embarrassed for
lying to you. I’m so bad, ain’t I? Now I tell you the truth, you can dump me
and I can’t blame you. I’ll try to work hard in school then later I may take
care of my parents and help my family overcome our poverty. It’s the land of
opportunities here, those who work hard will be successful.
My
best wishes to you, Thái and may you find a better friend. Forgive me.
Sincerely,
Miên
Nguyễn
Ngọc Duy Hân (translated by Nguyen Van Thong)
--
12- Their
Romance
She
was confused, asking:
“Do
you still love me?”
“Why?”
“After
our wedding, you aren’t romantic to me anymore. I can’t help stop dreaming.”
“We’re
too busy with the children, but I don’t see we’re too different than before.”
“But
I do!”
“I
have to go fix the windows now.”
“I
hate it. You just pretend.”
It
rains suddenly. This time the floor isn’t get soaking wet. He just fixed the
windows.
Nguyễn
Ngọc Duy Hân (translated by Nguyen Van Thong)
---
13- The
Nightmare
I
couldn’t explain to Michelle what in my mind but quietly looked at her. Even
though I love her so much, I used to bring her moments of confusion, abrupt joy
and sadness due to my unsettled sentiment. I was born with a sensitive heart
and feeble body, and brought up in my country after the communist disaster
which caused my dad’s imprisonment and my mom’s struggle to keep us survive and
pay for our escape.
It
was a trip of tears and blood. I still startled at night thought that I was at
the high sea. The pirates killed our men, raped our women and they brought my
mom away. At ten years old then I couldn’t do anything but cried. I love
Michelle because she has her smile exactly as my mother’s even though she is
Canadian.
Today
Michelle asked if we could make a vacation trip to Thailand, the tickets are on
sale.
“I
don’t go to Thailand,” I mumbled.
Michelle
didn’t see I just broke down.
“Thailand
is a beautiful place with many magnificent Buddhist temples. Didn’t you like to
go to temple often?” she continued.
I
wanted to tell her that Thailand has many magnificent temples but it has many
pirates, too. I think Michelle would never understand. Nobody or no people in
the world would except that they went through the nightmare like mine at least
once.
Nguyễn
Ngọc Duy Hân (translated by Nguyen Van Thong)
14 Indifference
She
smiled looking at her niece as her boyfriend lovingly lifted her feet to
examine something sharp she stepped on. She talked to her friends:
“Our
time was over. I feel jealous looking at them. My husband wouldn’t mind a bit
if I step and get bleeding on a nail. He might even yell at me for
carelessness!”
The
following day she and her husband stopped by their friend’s nail beauty shop.
He was on his knees to show her feet to their friend asking if she can fix the
calluses on them. His wife was so moved and found that she was very sensitive …
at her feet. Her husband wasn’t indifferent as she had thought.
Every
time passing by a nail shop, she liked to stop by not for her nails but that
her husband could ask how to fix her calluses.
Nguyễn
Ngọc Duy Hân (translated by Nguyen Van Thong)
No comments:
Post a Comment